Hormone therapy

 I have started anastrozole, which I will be on for the next five year. It's a pill I take every day, I'm doing well with it so far. I'm also taking calcium and a D3 supplement to try to keep my bone density from decreasing further. I have osteopenia (not unusual given everything), and it's fine, I just don't want it to get worse. My oncologist wants me to take another drug in addition to the anastrozole called ribociclib. It's not approved for my situation, but recent studies have been promising. I had initially agreed to do this (assuming we could get insurance approval), but the more I think about it and look into it, the less I want to. This medication has more side effects the one I'm on, and those side effects can be more severe. It will also involve regular monitoring of my heart and liver, since those can be affected. I've realized that I have done so many things to try to reduce my risk of recurrence, that I've reached a point where I don't feel like I need to absolutely max out those efforts. I can do many but not all of the things that are recommended, and I will still be in a better place than I was before this all began. I will trade "an additional reduction in my risk of recurrence" for "feeling good a couple of years sooner" and I won't regret it at all.

I think back to what my ob-gyn told me at the beginning of all of this, that my cancer doctors would be focused on my cancer, and it was up to me to be focused on my life. I'm doing my best.

Post-op check-in done, next phase

I had my post-op check-in (I'll have another one in five more weeks) and everything is looking good. Incisions are healing, I'm doing well. I also had a check-in with my oncologist, and I'll be starting anastrazole today (assuming the pharmacy gets it ready before this evening). I'll be on that for five years, and there's another pill my doctor would like to put me on, but it's not approved for my kind of cancer yet, so we'll see what my insurance company says. If that doesn't happen, she has a couple of other options she'd like to try. I do think about how I've already done SO much, and every additional thing does a little more to help keep the cancer from coming back. But there are no guarantees! I've already been unlucky once, so I don't approach any of this with the idea that I'm fine and I'll always be fine. I try to think of it like this: I am doing everything I can, I am listening to my doctors, I am asking questions and being proactive in my treatment and trying to balance the many, many things that are required of me, and I'm still trying to live a good life. 

If this cancer comes back, I will know that I did my best, and I'm happy with the time these measures bought me. If the cancer doesn't come back, fantastic. Incredible. I would change nothing about what I've done, either way. With every step, I make decisions knowing that time moves in one direction, I'm doing my best with what I've got, and there's no reason to second-guess anything that's already done. 

This is actually a thing that I got good at after my brother died, because you can't second-guess things around a suicide. You can't wonder what you should have done differently. You can't live in that regret. You'll never heal, you'll never move forward, you'll just dig a hole and stay there. Don't misunderstand me: You can dig a hole, you can stay there for a while. But eventually, you have to figure out how to rejoin the world. 

You're alive. Be alive. There are so many things to experience.

Recovery Update

It's very challenging to actually rest the way you're supposed to rest after a surgery like this! I'm feeling ok, I'm a little sore, I'm doing my best to not do things. My partner is staying with me to take care of pretty much everything (I can't lift things, I'm not supposed to do repetitive motions, I can't do housework, I can't pick up the cats, etc etc) for the foreseeable future. I can walk around the block and then I have to sit down because that's as much energy as I have. I feel like I'm being powered by a watch battery. Not enough power for this body! But I know it'll get better as time goes on. I'm getting a lot of great recliner time in, and I'm thinking about watching all of "Legends of Tomorrow." I took a week off of work for medical leave but I have been doing some work (it's very boring to just sit). Recovery is hard!

Surgery done

 I had a hysterectomy and oophorectomy (ovary removal) this morning. Bloodwork was good enough to do it, though I'm still slightly neutropenic. It was a laparoscopic procedure, done robotically, and I was home by noon. I'm now under a heated blanket with a very small cat on my lap (which is fine, I checked) and I'm SLEEPY. 

Anyway just wanted to let everyone know that it went smoothly, I'll be vigilant about checking my temperature and taking it easy for the next six weeks (ugh), and I'm doing well. Very happy to be done with the big stuff.