Post-op check-in done, next phase

I had my post-op check-in (I'll have another one in five more weeks) and everything is looking good. Incisions are healing, I'm doing well. I also had a check-in with my oncologist, and I'll be starting anastrazole today (assuming the pharmacy gets it ready before this evening). I'll be on that for five years, and there's another pill my doctor would like to put me on, but it's not approved for my kind of cancer yet, so we'll see what my insurance company says. If that doesn't happen, she has a couple of other options she'd like to try. I do think about how I've already done SO much, and every additional thing does a little more to help keep the cancer from coming back. But there are no guarantees! I've already been unlucky once, so I don't approach any of this with the idea that I'm fine and I'll always be fine. I try to think of it like this: I am doing everything I can, I am listening to my doctors, I am asking questions and being proactive in my treatment and trying to balance the many, many things that are required of me, and I'm still trying to live a good life. 

If this cancer comes back, I will know that I did my best, and I'm happy with the time these measures bought me. If the cancer doesn't come back, fantastic. Incredible. I would change nothing about what I've done, either way. With every step, I make decisions knowing that time moves in one direction, I'm doing my best with what I've got, and there's no reason to second-guess anything that's already done. 

This is actually a thing that I got good at after my brother died, because you can't second-guess things around a suicide. You can't wonder what you should have done differently. You can't live in that regret. You'll never heal, you'll never move forward, you'll just dig a hole and stay there. Don't misunderstand me: You can dig a hole, you can stay there for a while. But eventually, you have to figure out how to rejoin the world. 

You're alive. Be alive. There are so many things to experience.

Recovery Update

It's very challenging to actually rest the way you're supposed to rest after a surgery like this! I'm feeling ok, I'm a little sore, I'm doing my best to not do things. My partner is staying with me to take care of pretty much everything (I can't lift things, I'm not supposed to do repetitive motions, I can't do housework, I can't pick up the cats, etc etc) for the foreseeable future. I can walk around the block and then I have to sit down because that's as much energy as I have. I feel like I'm being powered by a watch battery. Not enough power for this body! But I know it'll get better as time goes on. I'm getting a lot of great recliner time in, and I'm thinking about watching all of "Legends of Tomorrow." I took a week off of work for medical leave but I have been doing some work (it's very boring to just sit). Recovery is hard!

Surgery done

 I had a hysterectomy and oophorectomy (ovary removal) this morning. Bloodwork was good enough to do it, though I'm still slightly neutropenic. It was a laparoscopic procedure, done robotically, and I was home by noon. I'm now under a heated blanket with a very small cat on my lap (which is fine, I checked) and I'm SLEEPY. 

Anyway just wanted to let everyone know that it went smoothly, I'll be vigilant about checking my temperature and taking it easy for the next six weeks (ugh), and I'm doing well. Very happy to be done with the big stuff.

Overdue update: Radiation over, one last surgery to go

 Hello! It's been too long (there wasn't much to report). I finished radiation on Feb. 20th and have been healing up from that. My skin looks ok in most places, and then there are a couple of spots under my arm where it's cracked and the new skin underneath is very pink. I have been putting aloe on the general area every morning and night, and I have silver sulfadiazine (aka Silvadene) cream for the areas that are a little raw. 

Next week, I will have surgery to remove my uterus and ovaries (uterine cancer risk increases with certain cancer drugs, and my particular cancer is fed by estrogen, so the ovaries -- which produce estrogen -- must go). Today I went on for pre-surgery tests (EKG, chest X-ray, blood work) to make sure I was healthy enough to have the procedure done. Mostly things are looking good, but I'm neutropenic (my white blood cell count is low). This is not unusual for someone who's been through chemo and radiation, but it does mean that they'll need to check the morning of surgery to make sure my levels are high enough for them to safely operate.

The surgery itself will be laparoscopic, and done robotically! They'll make three small incisions and take everything out through there, it'll take two to three hours, and I will (assuming all goes well) get to go home the same day. After that, no driving for a week, and a number of other restrictions (basically "limit movements that engage your stomach muscles, no lifting anything heavier than 10 pounds" and a couple others) for six weeks. 

My partner will again be staying with me as I recover, and I'm going to take a week off of work in theory (I can check email on my phone so I might forward some emails?). I assume the cats will keep me company as well.

It's always a little bit of a bummer to find out that my white blood cell counts are low, even though it's totally understandable! It just makes me feel fragile. I hate it. I'm looking forward to getting through surgery (and it's fine if it needs to be rescheduled) and getting to the next phase (pills every day for 5 years, bone builder infusions every 6 months for 2 years).

Cancer takes a lot of time. 

Got my port out today!

We had freezing rain here! My partner lives near the hospital where I get my treatments, so I stayed overnight so my drive would be easier for radiation this morning. My car was COVERED in ice but I only had to go a few blocks. Radiation is going well. On Mondays, I have a short meeting with my radiation oncologist. She's great.

In the afternoon, I saw my surgeon and got my port removed! Since I'm done with chemo, and I don't have a regular schedule of infusions, it made sense to get it taken out. It took about half an hour, and it was a little more difficult to remove than they expected. I hadn't had it in for that long, in the grand scheme of things, but my body had tried very hard to incorporate it so there was a lot of tissue connected to it. This is called "scarring down." It sounds worse than it is. They cleaned and sterilized the area, cut through the scar from the port insertion (so no additional scarring!), cut through the tissue that was trying to hold on to the port, removed the catheter, and popped it out. I did not watch! I do not need to know what any of that looks like! But it was fairly painless and over quickly. I'm so happy with the job that my surgeon did, and I told him so. He said that they work very hard to make things look nice with a flat closure, and that people didn't always realize that they really did try to do an aesthetic job. I also saw the ultrasound technician who had done the ultrasound when I was first diagnosed in the hallway while I was leaving, and I was able to thank her in person for how kind she had been to me in those appointments. (She's also REALLY good at her job.)

I have talked to a number of people and doctors in my orbit about whether to get my uterus taken out when I get my ovaries out, and at this point I think I'm hoping to get it all taken out since I'm having a procedure done anyway. The downside is mostly "harder recovery," and the upside is "no more pap smears, no risk of uterine cancer."

Unrelated to all of these events, last weekend, one of the outside cats that I watch out for (I put out water for them, build little shelters for them for the winter, stuff like that) showed up on my doorstep starving and freezing. She yelled until I brought her inside. She's a very friendly cat, and I've been wanting to bring her in for a long time. She's been around since she was a kitten, for about 8 years. I got her in to see the vet a couple of days later, did bloodwork, and due to (we think) the extreme stress of having a bad tooth and not being able to eat, as well as having to navigate sub-zero temperatures for a week, she was very weak with a super low red blood cell count. She's on antibiotics and steroids (the antibiotics are just a precaution since she's been outside her whole life). In the course of pilling her on Sunday morning, she ended up breaking the skin on my pointer finger on my right hand. In my old, pre-cancer life, I would have cleaned it out, put antibiotic ointment on it, and then just kept an eye on it. But now, I can't afford to take things lightly. I went to a convenient care (like a non-urgent Urgent Care, basically) near my house (I am very lucky to live where I live), and the NP gave me some prescription-strength ointment to use, and felt that I had started treating it early enough to not worry. You may recall that on Mondays, I see my radiation oncologist! I made a point of telling her about the cat bite, and we agreed that, out of an abundance of caution, a course of oral antibiotics would be a good idea. I'm very fortunate to have this kind of access to doctors and medication. We're going to keep an eye on it, but I'm so much less worried now that I know I'm doing everything I can do keep myself healthy. Cat bites can get badly infected very quickly. Since the incident, I have been more careful about pilling the little cat, and we have done very well. 

Radiation update!

I start radiation tomorrow! It'll be 25 sessions, it's every weekday at the same time, and it doesn't take very long. They say about 15 minutes per session. Once a week, I'll meet with my radiation oncologist so I can tell her if I'm experiencing any troublesome symptoms or ask any questions I might have. I'm excited to get started (and even more excited to be done)!

Getting ready for radiation

 No updates because I'm kind of between stuff right now! I met with the radiation oncologist last week and learned a little bit about how radiation works. I've also continued to work with my occupational therapist to make sure that I'm able to get my arm above my head and in the right position for radiation. This week, I go in to get scanned. They take a scan of the part of your body that will be getting radiation, then the doctor uses a program to digitally "paint" the places to target, and this plan is reviewed by a number of different groups before it's approved, and there are a number of safety protocols in place to protect your heart and your lungs and to only treat the areas that need to be treated. I'll get three tattoos which will help them line my body up accurately for treatment. Once they have the plan approved, I'll start treatment! It'll be Monday through Friday, 15 minutes a day, for four to six weeks. I don't know when it'll start, but it'll be in the next few weeks. After that, I'll start hormone therapy, which will consist of a pill (anastrozole) every day for five years. 

Radiation affects everyone differently, so I can't assume that it'll go any particular way. I just have to do it. Some people's bodies react to radiation like it's chemo. Specifically, there is a thing where some bodies get radiation and think it's adriamycin, and then have the reaction they had to adriamycin. Adriamycin is the one they call "the red devil." It's the worst. This is a very silly thing that some bodies do! I am hoping this isn't the case for me, but I have anti-nausea drugs and plenty of practice with that feeling if it does happen. We'll see.

With radiation as with chemo, the best way to combat fatigue is to stay active. We're in January, so it's "real winter" (or "winter plus" as I like to call it). I have a bike trainer set up in the basement and I expect to get some good use out of that, as well as bundling up and going for winter walks. 

I'm ready to get another piece of this process started. 

I remember when I barely thought about my health. I don't think I'll ever have that luxury again, but that's ok. You take your health for granted when you're healthy, and you don't realize how precarious it is. It is very precarious. If you're healthy and able bodied, you're lucky. Appreciate it. It won't last forever, and that's ok! Nothing lasts forever! I'm really enjoying my life. I appreciate it more than ever.