In the bad gastro period

The days right after chemo are sort of complicated for gastrointestinal stuff. I get a lot of heartburn (a thing I had NEVER had before chemo, and sort of believed in but didn't really understand), I have to take anti-nausea meds, and these things sort of combine to make it very hard to for me to tell when I'm hungry/not hungry. I have complained about this before.

Anyway, it's happening again, as it has happened before! And it's fine, and the anti-nausea meds mean that I don't get nauseous, but it still feels weird. And I'm a little tired. And my eyes get very dry. 

None of this is the worst, but I do think it's important (especially for future me, because when I feel good I forget that I ever felt bad) to remember that it's a real up and down process. 

I do want to point out that I expected it to be worse! I bought anti-diarrheals as well as laxatives because I was told that a lot of people had a lot of gastro problems with chemo! And I haven't needed them yet, so that's been nice. Similarly, I didn't get any mouth sores (yet) with AC chemo, and that was another thing I was told to expect. Very lucky! I have a mouth rinse specifically for dry mouth because this is a thing a lot of people experience. I've been doing ok with it. I do get dry eyes, so I carry eyedrops around now, and if I'm even a little tired, I get very squinty. It's fine, it's manageable. It's the new normal.

Some of my doctors have pointed out that I might be having an easier time than some other people who go through chemo because I started relatively young and healthy. And maybe. That's probably helping. But I have read plenty of accounts from people who were very young and very healthy and they got absolutely wrecked by chemo. So right now, I'm lucky. And I hope to remain lucky as I move into the next chemo phase. 

This morning I stood in front of the bathroom mirror in the basement and gave myself a little pep talk, and it went like this: "I'm not saying that the worst is over, but some of it is over! And that's still a really nice thing."

Yesterday, I made a very nice rice noodle stir fry with garlic, onion, tempeh, napa, carrots, cilantro, curry powder, and sweet thai chili sauce. Tonight, I'm going to make some pasta with kale and sweet potato, and maybe a cacio de pepe kind of treatment. I really enjoy cooking, and eating food that I made, and going "Oh this is actually very good!" so I'm happy I'm still able to do that. (while my hunger has been affected by meds, my taste buds have remained normal, thankfully).