Physical Therapy Day

Today, I had an appointment with a physical therapist well in advance of surgery because I wanted to establish a baseline before I lost anything more to chemo. The idea is that I get tips and exercises to do now, as long as I am feeling like I can do it, because once I have surgery, I'm going to have to scale way back. I'm actually meeting with an occupational therapist later this week who will have more information for me about the kinds of things I will need to do to recover from that surgery. 

The main takeaways from today are that my activity level/balance/etc. are all good, and I need to keep going with it. Exercise will keep my energy up, exercises that prioritize stability and strength are going to be really important, and there's a lot of research that suggests that a certain amount of exercise (like 150 minutes a week at a moderate intensity) will not only make my experience right now easier, it'll also improve my outcomes and lower my risk of the cancer recurring. (Once again: "biking is great physically and even better if it's helping your psyche.")

I also learned that some of my posture stuff is less that ideal and I need to be more aware of positioning (specifically my right knee). They want me to come back once or twice before surgery so we can formulate an exercise plan that can not only focus on that strength and core element, but also can help stabilize my back. It's exciting!

As per usual, explaining that I "played too much Animal Crossing and gave myself tennis elbow" got a laugh, and the physical therapist suggested I mention this to the occupational therapist, because they'll have some exercises to suggest that will help me with my occasional videogame-related elbow pain. 

Finally losing my hair

 It started coming out in the shower tonight, so I'll probably clipper it down again in the morning to avoid additional shedding. I had wondered when it would happen! Turns out, treatment 2!

I went in today to get an injection that helps with my white blood cell count. It has some very silly brand name. Apparently it can cause bone pain, but taking Claritin can help with that (a nurse mentioned it yesterday but it wasn't mentioned at any other time, so I mention it here in case any of you ever find it helpful). I haven't experienced the bone pain, and I take generic Claritin for allergies, so that's lucky!

I overdid it on chemo day and no one was surprised (not even me)

So for the first chemo treatment, I walked to my partner's house afterwards (it's only three blocks away and many people scolded me) and then I napped for like 5 solid hours. This was great. I didn't feel great but I mostly slept through it, so when I got home, I was tired, but it wasn't too bad.

For the second chemo treatment, I did call my partner come pick me up rather than walking (yay!) I scheduled a meeting for about three hours after I got done (boo!), because I wanted to get it out of the way before the holiday. The meeting went great and I regret absolutely nothing. However, this means I slept for maybe an hour between getting back and having a meeting, and then I didn't really go back to sleep much after that (maybe another hour, a lot of time lying on the floor with an ice pack).

Complicating all of it, the second chemo medication was given at a faster rate than the first time, and I experienced a little sensitivity to it (not dangerous, and I could have asked them to change the rate, but I was like "yes! faster!") and the downside to that was it felt like my nose was burning a little and I got a headache. I was also on my period. I will never not be mad that I have to be on my period while also having chemo. This is stupid. It's too many things.

In addition to all of that, every chemo treatment builds. So my expectation is that each one will get harder, and I will feel worse each time, and it'll take me longer to bounce back to feeling better, even with the steroids and the anti-nausea meds.

Anyway, there are many factors as to why I felt worse yesterday than I did after the first treatment. But mostly, I need to not schedule anything after chemo. After chemo is a time for me to rest, and revisit my ongoing dream of being Darth Vader's Dirtbag Friend, in which a beleaguered Darth Vader is constantly lending me his space car and I'm always bringing it back 1. damaged 2. full of snack wrappers 3. never fueled up and I DO NOT MENTION ANY OF THESE THINGS but I do say thank you. Anyway I don't know why this is the recurring Star Wars dream I have now, but I love it. This is a healing dream. I need to just go in on this, instead of "trying to be exceptional at my job" (which is going to happen anyway, it's fine). 

Anyway, I've been confronted with the limits of my body! It's nothing new. I have a bad back and migraines, so I have been confronted with these limits before. I like to say "I am not my body" because it sounds cool, but what I really mean is "I am not just my body." That said, my body is pretty important, and the way it feels is inescapable to me, the person who dwells within it. I would compare my discomfort yesterday to a mild migraine, in terms of "feeling bad across a number of axes but not TOO bad, didn't throw up, DID believe I would probably feel this way forever." (A thing about migraines is when they are happening I always think that they'll never go away despite so much evidence to the contrary. And then when they go away, I'm shocked and delighted. Like a child.)

My partner drove me home last night and took care of everything around the house -- fed and medicated cats, cleaned litterboxes, brought trash and recycling containers in, etc, spent time with the cats so they got attention, checked on me -- and I took a shower and went straight to bed. I woke up at 2 a.m. feeling much better.

Having gone through the entire day, I would say that last night was a little like the night you might have after you've had way, way, way, WAY too much to drink and your body is like "what did you just do to me? please drink water, lie down, get an ice pack, let's try to get all of this out of our system as quickly as possible." And I mean, basically I'm getting a big dose of poison to try to kill the cancer, and the hope is that I'm strong enough to get through it relatively well. So far so good. You might be reading this and going "This doesn't sound that great, what are you talking about," and what I will say to you is that I used to drink Mad Dog 20/20 in college (parents, don't look this up). And amaretto sours. I have definitely felt worse. 

I debated writing about this because I know that any time I admit that I'm not feeling great, people get really worried. Please remember that I am going through chemo because I have cancer. I am going to have lots and lots of days where I don't feel great. It's built into the equation, and there's no getting around it. It doesn't change my attitude at all. I'm here, I'm grateful, I love seeing all my medical professional folks, I feel good about my treatment plan and my future, and I'm going to continue to do things in the world even as I have days that aren't so great. 

I will take it easy on chemo days from now on, though. I can learn this one thing. But when I'm feeling good, I'm going to go for bike rides! You'll never stop me! Ha hah!

Before I forget: A lot of people I know peripherally (not close friends, maybe former co-workers or spouses of friends or social media friends) have reached out to give me advice based on their lived experience with this process (either as patients or as care providers). Not always specifically breast cancer, but health concerns, other types of cancer, etc. I appreciate this so much. With every conversation I feel less alone, and more prepared for the things that are coming. As I have said before, there is community everywhere you turn. It's really a lovely and remarkable thing. I'm so lucky to have this. 

Second chemo treatment: Accomplished!

I had my second chemo treatment today. Apparently all of my bloodwork has looked great, levels are where they need to be, and based on the questions they ask (about side effects I did not experience like bone pain, mouth sores, changes in the way foods taste, sleep disruption, etc), I seem to be doing pretty well so far!

They switched the long-lasting anti-nausea medication to something that I did not have an allergic reaction to (success!), and start to finish, I think I was only there for a little over 3 hours. Last time it was closer to 5, so that's pretty neat! 

My doctors and nurses are all fantastic, I sit in a comfortable chair that has a heater and a massage function and I had a pudding cup (vanilla) and a generic gelatin snack cup (strawberry), and even tried the coffee (it was ok, not amazing, but not bad!). 

I'm a little tired now, so I'm probably going to rest for a couple of hours. I did not walk to my partner's house from the hospital this time -- so many people yelled at me for that last time! Today it was 100 degrees out, so I didn't think it would be the best choice for me. I will admit this very grudgingly. 

So that's it! I'll continue to update with how I'm feeling after this treatment. The first treatment went really smoothly, even with the little hiccup of being allergic to some medication. So far it's been some very manageable nausea, a little headache while getting one of the medications (that went away after about 20 minutes), some fatigue (which has been better since I started being more active but that might have also coincided with timing. I don't have enough data to confidently say that it's definitely because of my bike rides, but maybe!) and that's it. No changes to how things taste, no changes to appetite, I don't sleep super well but that's mostly the fault of the cats (I do sleep well enough and I'm keeping normal hours so I haven't gotten out of cycle on that SPECIFIC FRIEND WHO THINKS ABOUT THESE THINGS). It's good!

Adventures in the world

Yesterday, I went to a little Mexican restaurant on the Westside (they had very cute patio tables and they weren't busy) and had an incredible barbacoa street taco, a breakfast taco, and some aguas frescas (there was a pineapple one and a watermelon one). When I went to pay, the owner said "Can I ask you a question?" and I said yes. "Is that a port?" and then he explained that he knew it was a port, because his wife had just finished chemo and was going to be doing radiation next. We talked for a bit, he talked about how he encourages people who are going through it to just keep going, and to stay strong, and I told him how grateful I was for all the things that had aligned in my process. I told him I hoped his wife's treatment continues to go well and she recovers fully and quickly. They're going to pray for me. It was a very nice little moment out in the world, where having cancer isn't a secret, and there's community to find everywhere you go. 

Friday morning update: Not bad, a little weird

I read a thing a while back that said about ten days after chemo, you'd feel a little bit like you had a flu. They have made it very clear to me that if I get any sort of fever, I need to go directly to the hospital, so I was curious about this description. How can you feel flu-y without having a fever? Well, the mystery has been solved. I personally feel overly hot and sweaty and a little gross, but my temperature is totally normal. (I don't even feel that bad, I'm just VERY sweaty.) It's wild! I'm happy to not be running a fever, and I guess it's good practice for the future. My medical oncologist also mentioned that chemo can kick some people into menopause, so that could also be happening! Bodies are an eternal mystery. 

No nausea this morning, which was great. I am getting better about making sure I eat before I go to bed (empty stomach seems to be a big problem for me when it comes to feeling less good). They even suggested keeping snacks by the bed, which...I am a person who only eats food in designated areas of the house, so I can't even consider this as a solution yet. We'll see if things get harder!

I'll probably go for a little walk later, but I'm having a nice, quiet morning. 

Little update, doing well

Hello! Since my last post, I had another morning where I woke up a little nauseous, ate some food, took anti-nausea meds, spent some time on the couch with an ice pack and then felt better, then this morning I woke up and felt fine!

I had my check-in yesterday where I talked to one of my doctors and they did labs to see how I was doing (this is where they check my white blood cell count, platelets, a ton of other stuff) and checked in to see how I was feeling. It was a quick visit, and they scheduled my next chemo appointment for Thursday the 29th!

I rode my bike to the store again today and it was great. I also ordered a cool new helmet from a place called Thousand Bike Helmets. Their goal is to save a thousand lives with helmets. I think they have done it. (Always wear a helmet when you bike, friends. Always always always. Please. Wear seatbelts in cars, wear helmets on bicycles.)

Oh I also had a little announcement to share, in non-cancer-related stuff! https://licensinginternational.org/news/shena-wolf-joins-ko-media-management/

I'm having the weirdest year but it's good.